How to Handle Criticism with Class, Part 1

Guest (Male): Few things are more painful than personal criticism. Attacked, accused, unfairly judged, perhaps by someone who doesn't even know the facts. It's tough to take that without swinging back. Today, on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll describes a man who endured relentless false accusation from a so-called friend and never once retaliated. What was his secret? And how do we respond to a verbal assault with maturity, restraint, and faith? Chuck calls it Grace Under Pressure, and there's no finer example than Job. Chuck titled his message "How to Handle Criticism with Class".
Chuck Swindoll: Job 22 and 23. We are still in Job. We may be in Job till Jesus comes back. Who knows? We are in chapter 22, you'll be happy to know we are halfway through. This is the third cycle of the fight, the verbal fight between these alleged friends and Job. And this man's name is Eliphaz the Temanite, who comes out swinging. He responded: "Can a vigorous man be of use to God, or a wise man be useful to himself? Is there any pleasure to the Almighty if you are righteous, or profit if you make your ways perfect?" Look at the sarcasm of verse 4. "Is it because of your reverence that he reproves you, that he enters into judgment against you? Is it because you're so holy?" And then his accusation: "Is not your wickedness great and your iniquities without end?" So he accuses him of great wickedness and iniquity, and then he gives him a message. Verse 21: "Yield now and be at peace with him, thereby good will come to you. Please receive instruction from his mouth and establish his words in your heart. If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored. If you remove unrighteousness far from your tent, and place your gold in the dust, the gold of Ophir among the stones of the brooks, then the Almighty will be your gold and choice silver to you." Job responds in chapter 23, verse 3: "Oh that I knew where I might find him, that I might come to his seat. I would present my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments." Verse 8: "Behold, I go forward, he's not there. Backward, I cannot perceive him. When he acts on the left, I cannot behold him. He turns on the right, I cannot see him." But look at the faith: "He knows the way I take. When he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot has held fast to his path. I have kept his way and not turned aside. I have not departed from the command of his lips. I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my necessary food."
Guest (Male): You're listening to Insight for Living. To dig deeper into Job's story on your own, be sure to purchase your copy of our Searching the Scriptures Bible study workbooks by going to insight.org/offer. Chuck titled today's message "How to Handle Criticism with Class".
Chuck Swindoll: Ernest Hemingway reduced his definition of courage to three words: Grace under pressure. Appropriate words, aren't they? They apply to anyone who can handle criticism and the blast of other people in a calm and mature manner, demonstrating grace under pressure. In my study these last two weeks, I came across a story that emerges out of the life of the late great Martin Luther. One of his harshest critics came and presented him a litany of his mistakes and failures and sins. Luther's mistakes, failures, and sins. He gave them to him with a frown so that Luther would read them. The reformer read them, shook his head, sighed deeply, and then said to the man, "Think a little harder. You have forgotten some." That's grace under pressure. Our 16th president was a masterful model of handling criticism and verbal assaults. One of his biographers named Donald Phillips writes: "Abraham Lincoln was slandered, libeled, and hated perhaps more intensely than any man ever to run for the nation's highest office. He was publicly called just about every name imaginable by the press, including a grotesque baboon, a third-rate country lawyer, a coarse vulgar jokester, a dictator, an ape, a buffoon, and others." The Illinois State Register, which was the paper of his own state, labeled Lincoln, "The craftiest and most dishonest politician that ever disgraced an office in America." I'm holding back from saying something right there. Mr. Lincoln handled that with great, great maturity. In fact, he had four ways of responding to such criticism. First and most often, he simply ignored it if it was what he called petty, and most of it was. Second, he answered back only when it was important and would make a difference. Third, he formed the habit of sitting down and writing lengthy letters of refutation, venting his anger and emotions, and then tearing them up. Never mailed them. Or fourth, he always looked on the brighter side of life and kept a good sense of humor. Grace under pressure. One of my favorite characters down through the years has been Sir Winston Churchill. He not only handled criticism with class, he invited it. In fact, he personally engaged himself in self-criticism every night of the Second World War. Says his biographer Stephen Hayward: "Every night, said Churchill, I try myself by court-martial to see if I have done anything effective during the day. I don't mean just pawing the ground. Anyone can go through the motions, but something really effective." One of his closest confidants later said: "He always took criticisms very, very meekly. One could say exactly what one liked in the way of criticism. He wanted the full critical value from his subordinates." He added: "I cannot recall a single minister, serving officer, or civil servant who was removed from his office because he stood up to Churchill and told him that he thought his policy and proposals were wrong." The courageous Prime Minister of Great Britain made it a consistent habit never to overrule the service chiefs of staff, even when he strenuously disagreed with their decisions. Grace under pressure. One of the most eloquent examples of this would be King David when Absalom took over the throne. His father, David, was forced to abdicate the throne because Absalom stole the hearts of the people through his deceptive means. Absalom came to the throne and David didn't want to kill or fight with his own son, so he simply left it in his hand and went away along with his mighty men. While David was escaping, he was walking in an area recorded for us in 2 Samuel 16, where there appeared on the scene some fool named Shimei. And you haven't met a snotty man until you have met Shimei. 2 Samuel 16, beginning at verse 5 down through verse 14, you can turn some other time, we read: "He cursed continually as he came. He threw stones at David and at the servants of King David, saying as he threw them, 'Get out! Get out, you man of bloodshed, you worthless fellow!'" If you could read it in the Hebrew, it wouldn't read "worthless fellow", but I'm going to leave that for another time. Now how did David respond to this nut who is throwing stones at him and screaming at him with these put-downs? Well, before I tell you David's response, let me tell you Abishai's response. He asked David, "May I go over there and cut off his head?" I love that line. Had I been David, Shimei wouldn't have known his head was off until he sneezed. I mean, it would be one quick slice and it would be over. But David, grace under pressure, he said, "Let him alone. Let him curse. Perhaps the Lord will look on my affliction and return good to me instead of his cursing this day." One of my seminary colleagues has written several books, and I came across his wise words recently: "God gives us over to such bruisings because they are part of the process to make us what He intends us to be. The hurting makes us sweeter, more mellow. We learn to let go of what we want. It makes us calm and strong." And then he adds, I think he must have smiled when he wrote it, "Our Lord was nailed to the cross, so you can count on being nailed to the wall." Grace under pressure. Being attacked lately? Accused? Unfairly criticized? Verbally, brutally assaulted? Perhaps by somebody who doesn't even know what he's talking about? It's tough to take that without swinging back with a verbal weapon in return. I think part of the reason the Lord is keeping us in the book of Job is to learn how to respond under such situations. There is no finer example of grace under pressure than this man whose book bears his name. Job has suffered the loss of bankruptcy, the death of his ten children. That's grieved him. The attacks of his friends, who were once close to him, and the disease that ravaged him on top of all that, with the fever and the swelling and the sleepless nights and the dreadful days. And you rarely see Job losing it. If anything, at his worst, he simply says to the Lord, "I am at a loss to know what's happening or why. What is being said isn't true, and what You're doing I cannot explain. But all I can do is trust You." And he does it page after page after page after page after page from chapter 3 to chapter 41. It happens over and over and over again. They run in cycles. Trouble is like that, isn't it? The first cycle is over. Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar swung at him and often hit him. The second cycle is over. Eliphaz, Bildad, Zophar, once again, took him on. He answered each one, usually with great wisdom. Now we're back to the third cycle. And we're not surprised to read that old name again: Eliphaz the Temanite responded. All of this reminds me of a song we used to sing as junior high kids. Back when I was a kid, the earth was cooling. I remember sitting on the church bus, singing with the other friends: "Same song, third verse, could get better, gonna get worse." Remember that? We sang it till the bus driver wanted to drive us all into the river, I can assure you. That's where we are with Eliphaz the Temanite. Same song, same stuff. Nothing new. Let me cut to the chase. He makes three accusations against Job in chapter 22. Verses 1 to 11: "You're a sinner." Verses 12 to 20: "You have hidden your sin, so you're a hypocrite." Verse 21 to the end of the chapter, chapter 22, verse 30: "You're in need of repentance." You're a sinner, you're a hypocrite, you need to repent. That's what he says in chapter 22. I mean the gall it took for him to stand there and say that to a man who is literally fevered with these boils that are all over him, and racked with grief over the loss of his family and his home and his business. But he says it straight. Verse 5 of chapter 22, Eliphaz accuses: "Is not your wickedness great and your iniquities without end?" Why would he say that? "Look at the condition you're in. Nobody loses everything, including family and business and home and health, without being guilty of sin. You must be a terrible sinner in light of all that you've lost." Correct observation, he's lost everything. Wrong conclusion, it wasn't because he was sinful. But Job doesn't answer. Remember, this is grace under pressure. "Is not your wickedness great, your iniquities without end? You have taken pledges of your brothers without cause and stripped men naked." He's got a vivid imagination. Job never did that, but he's accusing him of it. So it's a false accusation. "To the weary you have given no water to drink, and from the hungry you have withheld bread." Job never did that, but he's accusing him of it. Job sits in silence and takes it. Verse 9: "You have sent widows away empty and the strength of the orphans has been crushed." Wrong again. Never did that. Falsely accused. Job says nothing. "Therefore, as a result of your wrongdoing, Job, snares surround you and sudden dread terrifies you. Darkness so that you cannot see, and an abundance of water covers you." He's speaking poetically. "You have gotten the full reaction of the living God who can't stand sinfulness like you have been modeling. Because you are sinful, you are going through such things." Job's character was so pure before all of the trouble started that the devil picked him out as the one he wanted to pick on. And the Lord allowed it knowing that Job's character would be able to withstand it. The antithesis is true. The opposite of what he's being accused of. The critic didn't know his facts. And by the way, how could he have known them? He hasn't even been on the scene. He only showed up after the sickness occurred. Let me add a word about habitual critics. They never get their facts straight. Habitual critics have a great imagination. They only need a little bit to go on and then they can build a whole case because they have the gift of criticism, let's say. That's their calling. Their calling is to make you miserable and they put together a mass of facts, but they can't prove them, just as Eliphaz could not prove these. But he's there nevertheless accusing. Even though they weren't true, they were hard to hear. Even though what is being said against you cannot be proven, it's hard for you to sit there and take it and to know that other people are listening in and he is no doubt or she is no doubt telling them as well. To make matters worse, he steps into that next realm: "You are a hypocrite." You have hidden your sins. He invites Job to look back: "Is not God in the height of heaven? Look also at the distant stars, how high they are." First, he says look up. "Look up, Job. You say what does God know? Can he judge through the thick darkness? Clouds are a hiding place for him so that he cannot see. He walks on the vault of heaven. Will you keep to the ancient path which wicked men have trod?" Look back now, Job. Look back and see what other men have done. You're doing just what they have done. They were snatched away before their time, whose foundations were washed away by a river. They said to God, "Depart from us," and "What can the Almighty do to them?" That's what you're doing, Job. So Eliphaz is telling him off. Tough criticism. It's hard enough to be told you're a sinner, but to be told on top of that that you're a hypocrite adds a low blow. It's hard to show grace under pressure at a time like that. Warren Wiersbe writes: "A hypocrite is not a person who fails to reach his desired spiritual goals. All of us fail in one way or another. A hypocrite is a person who doesn't even try to reach any goals, but he makes people think he has. His profession and his practice never meet." The old Puritan preacher Stephen Charnock once said: "It is a sad thing to be Christians at a supper, heathens in our shops, and devils in our closets." No question about it, hypocrisy is an awful thing. Jesus was death on it. In Jesus' day, he took on nothing harder than he took on hypocrisy. One of the major reasons the Sermon on the Mount was preached was because of the hypocrisy of the Pharisees. Our God despises hypocrisy. But the fact is Job is not guilty of it. He's hiding nothing. By now Job's confessed everything. I mean, have you ever hurt so badly that you went back and went over every step of your life and the pain continued? And then you went back and you manufactured things? Well, maybe I did this, maybe I did that, and you rehearse in your mind before the Lord, "If I was doing this or if I was guilty of that..." You go there in hopes that somehow there might be a relief. Job's done all of that. In fact, he's recorded a number of times when he's brought his life before the Lord. This is a wonderful man being treated like a piece of trash. Well, Eliphaz decides he needs to preach an evangelistic sermon to Job and maybe he will get saved. And so in verses 21 to 30, he delivers an excellent evangelistic sermon. Only problem, Job's already saved. As Harry Ironside used to say, there are two things you can't save: seats and saints. And Job's a saint. He's already in the family. He doesn't need the message, but I've done that, preached the wrong message to a great audience and I've suffered for it as well. Look at verse 21: "Yield now and be at peace with him, thereby good will come to you. Please receive instruction from God's mouth and establish his words in your heart." He has done that. "If you return to the Almighty..." He doesn't need to. "...you will be restored. If you remove unrighteousness far from your tent." He's already done that. "And place your gold in the dust." Verse 25: "Then the Almighty will be your gold and choice silver to you. Then you will delight in the Almighty and lift up your face to God." He's going on and on and on with this message and Job just patiently sits there. You do that sometimes when I preach, I understand. I have to do that sometimes when I hear other people preach, and they're maybe preaching a message that doesn't necessarily apply. Job has a message being delivered. It's a great message, but he doesn't need it. He's probably walking as close to the Lord as he has ever walked in his life. Problem is he can hardly move because of his pain. And Eliphaz has interpreted that incorrectly. But he demonstrates grace under pressure. Interesting in these 30 verses, not once does Job interrupt. Let me ask you a hard question. Would you have sat there and let all that be said without interrupting? I mean, wouldn't you at least a time or two say, "Wait a minute, wait a minute, before you go any further. Prove that. Where are my witnesses? Or where are your witnesses that say I'm guilty of that? Prove it." and he doesn't do that. Grace under pressure. There's a lot to learn before we move to chapter 23. There's a lot to learn from Job's self-control. I don't know how old he was by now, I think he's getting up in years, but one of the things he's learned over the years that those people learned that I quoted earlier is that you just sometimes take it on the chin. You just sometimes let it go by you. If you know it's not true, even though that person would swear that it's true, you let it go on by you. Just let it go on by. Let them go right on believing it. Job, by the way, in chapter 23 and 24, never once answers Eliphaz. He talks to and about the Lord, but he doesn't once address Eliphaz. I think that's pretty significant. After all, Eliphaz is not going to justify him. The Lord will.
Guest (Male): There's freedom in those words, isn't there? When you know the truth, you don't have to answer every accusation. You don't have to win every argument. You can let it go on by and trust the Lord to be your defender. That's grace under pressure. Chuck Swindoll will have more to say on Insight for Living. He titled today's message "How to Handle Criticism with Class". It's number 12 in a 22-part collection of messages. To access these recordings on Chuck's study in the book of Job, just go to insight.org/series, or you can find them on the Insight for Living mobile app. Insight for Living is pleased to provide companion resources for every study that Chuck presents, and this biographical series on Job is no different. For instance, Chuck wrote a practical book that pairs naturally with his study. His book is titled "Finding God When the World's on Fire". You know, suffering has a way of stripping away every answer we thought we had. It challenges tidy theology. It makes us second guess our confident prayers. Suffering tests the assumption that following the rules means we're spared from heartache. Well, Job discovered something better than easy answers. He discovered a God who shows up in the dark, and so can you. Chuck Swindoll's book "Finding God When the World's on Fire" is an honest, Bible-based companion for anyone whose faith is being tested by real life, by loss, by illness, by uncertainty, by a world that refuses to settle down. Chuck doesn't pretend the hard things aren't hard. He just shows us that God is bigger than all of it. This is one of the last times we'll mention this featured resource. So contact Insight for Living with your contribution today and we'll send it to you with our gratitude and our prayer. Request the book "Finding God When the World's on Fire" by going to insight.org/donate or call 800-772-8888.
Bill Meyer: I'm Bill Meyer. Join us when Chuck Swindoll describes how to handle criticism with class Tuesday on Insight for Living.