Stage Fright

Focus on the Family: And now, Adventures in Odyssey.
Guest (Male): 22 trombones led the marching band.
Guest (Female): 22 trombones all at my command.
Guest (Male): I just want to say that I'd hold you all day if I didn't need to answer play.
Emily Jones: It's time again for Odyssey Middle School's fall theater production. This year, we're doing The Minestrone Man, a play that requires a whole truckload of musical ability. Unfortunately, Matthew Parker and I don't have a truckload. We have more like a thimble load. But my brother Barrett, let me tell you, he'll get the lead as Tony Anthony, the trombone player, if there is any justice in this world. Good job, Barrett.
Barrett Jones: Thanks, Em.
Emily Jones: The competition at the auditions can get pretty intense. Emotions run high, egos are bruised, pride is but a dim ship on the sea of memory. But there's no business like show business, especially if that business leads to murder. Okay, maybe not murder, but let me warn you, this is one of the more bizarre cases that yours truly, Emily Jones, and my sidekick, Matthew Parker, have ever tackled. I call it The Mystery of the Phantom of the School Musical. No, too many words. Never mind. Hey, we could call it Stage Fright. Yeah. Anyway, let's get back to a couple of weeks ago at Odyssey Middle School's famed Taft-Hartley Theater, where plays have been performed for many years. The theater was named after Thelma B. Taft and Roosevelt P. Hartley, two of Odyssey's favorite performers back in the day. And there we were, wading into that theatrical stream on the day the cast assignments were announced on the bulletin board. Matthew and I didn't get a part, but we did get to be stage managers for the production.
Matthew Parker: I didn't get in.
Emily Jones: You didn't want to get in anyway, Matthew. You wanted to be a stage manager.
Matthew Parker: I did?
Emily Jones: Sure you did. You hate the spotlight.
Matthew Parker: I do? Yes, I do.
Emily Jones: I'm amazed at how much you know about me that I don't even know.
Barrett Jones: Hey, guys.
Emily Jones: Hey. So, how's the casting for the play?
Matthew Parker: Great, if you're Barrett Jones and you wanted the leading role of Tony Anthony.
Barrett Jones: Really? I got it? Yes!
Emily Jones: Congratulations! I knew you'd get it.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, congrats, Barrett. There's no better Tony Anthony.
Barrett Jones: Thanks, guys. I don't know what to say.
Jay: You're going down, Barrett.
Barrett Jones: Jay, I didn't see you there.
Jay: Feeling pretty good about yourself today, Barrett?
Barrett Jones: Yeah, I suppose so. Did you get in the play, Jay?
Jay: You know I didn't get in.
Barrett Jones: Actually, I didn't know that.
Jay: Yeah, sure. You can gloat all you want.
Barrett Jones: Gloat?
Jay: But you're going to rue the day. Rue the day!
Barrett Jones: What?
Jay: Rue the day!
Emily Jones: Okay, what is your problem, Jay? You're creeping me out.
Barrett Jones: Yeah.
Jay: Someday very soon, Barrett, I will show you who's really the best. You will rue the day. You will rue!
Emily Jones: Okay, okay. I'm sorry to interrupt, but do you even know what "rue the day" means?
Jay: No. Thought so. But believe me, Barrett, when that day comes, you will rue like you've never rued the day before. Yeah. Okay. Bye-bye.
Barrett Jones: Jay is going for supervillain status.
Emily Jones: I'll say. Oh, who cares? He's all bluff. The show must go on, right, Barrett?
Barrett Jones: That's right. The show must go on.
Emily Jones: Practice began the very next day after school with Miss Adelaide directing. Everyone was pretty jazzed, except maybe for Matthew. He and I had a lot of work ahead of us.
Miss Adelaide: Okay, places everyone! Places everyone! Oh my, this is going to be one very long production.
Emily Jones: Hi, Miss Adelaide. Matthew and I are ready to manage the stage. Right, Matthew?
Matthew Parker: Yeah, can't wait.
Miss Adelaide: Oh good. I didn't know if you two were actually going to show up.
Emily Jones: Oh yeah, we're here.
Miss Adelaide: Mr. Stoltfus?
Charlie Stoltfus: Coming. Okay, here I am.
Miss Adelaide: Emily, Matthew, this is Charlie Stoltfus, the director of the theater guild. They borrowed our facility this summer for their production of—what was it, Charlie?
Charlie Stoltfus: It was The Pirates of Penzance.
Miss Adelaide: Ah, that's right. It was about pirates who repent of their pillaging ways.
Charlie Stoltfus: It didn't go over very well.
Miss Adelaide: There are some set pieces he needs help moving out.
Emily Jones: We'll lead the way, Mr. Stoltfus.
Charlie Stoltfus: Okay, come on.
Emily Jones: You're new to Odyssey, aren't you?
Charlie Stoltfus: Yes. I was once considered to be a theatrical visionary on Broadway.
Emily Jones: Really? By who?
Charlie Stoltfus: People, important people. And now, this is what I'm reduced to. Okay, here we are. Stay put until I turn on the lights. Wow. Look at all this stuff. A palm tree. Oh, a ship's mast.
Charlie Stoltfus: Let's get cracking. All these set pieces have to get moved to the storage area beneath the stage. The stairs are over there. Let's go. Chop chop.
Emily Jones: Give me a hand with this palm tree, Matthew.
Matthew Parker: Okay, hold on. Oh, yuck! What's this? Hey, that almost hit my foot.
Emily Jones: Sorry.
Matthew Parker: What's this stuff all over the tree?
Emily Jones: It's just paint spattering. It's a typical theater technique. From a distance, it gives the set pieces a weathered look.
Matthew Parker: Oh, good. For a minute there, I thought they were bird droppings.
Charlie Stoltfus: Actually, those are bird droppings.
Matthew Parker: Ouch! That did hit my foot. Are those bird droppings covering everything?
Charlie Stoltfus: Pretty much. It's just another sad detail in the sordid story of my play.
Emily Jones: Oh, what happened?
Charlie Stoltfus: Well, I had a choice between rigging a plastic parrot on the pirate captain's shoulder or buying a real one. I wanted authenticity, so I decided to use a real one. Let's just say it was another bad choice.
Matthew Parker: Are there any gloves around here? I don't want to touch this stuff with my bare hands.
Charlie Stoltfus: Well, I have some gloves in my truck, but they're all left-handed.
Matthew Parker: Okay.
Emily Jones: Well, it didn't take long for us to move all that stuff into the storage area. After we finished, Matthew and I got a chance to watch Barrett practice his big number, a duet with Priscilla Peterson.
Miss Adelaide: Okay, okay, quiet everyone. Barrett, Priscilla, are you ready?
Barrett Jones: Yes, Miss Adelaide.
Priscilla Peterson: Yes, Miss Adelaide.
Miss Adelaide: Oh, all right. Now, this is the scene where Tony Anthony is showing off for the local girls. Okay, and a one, and a two, and a—
Priscilla Peterson: What was that?
Barrett Jones: I don't know.
Priscilla Peterson: That didn't sound good.
Barrett Jones: Miss Adelaide?
Miss Adelaide: It may have just been the central air kicking in.
Barrett Jones: The central air kicking in?
Miss Adelaide: Well, they did redo the ductwork at some point. But let's just keep going, kids. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Are we ready? And a one, and a two, and I'm happy and I'm singing...
Barrett Jones: 22 trombones led the marching band. 22 trombones all at my command.
Priscilla Peterson: That was not the central air kicking in, Miss Adelaide.
Miss Adelaide: No, I think you're right.
Guest (Male): Rue the day! Rue the day!
Barrett Jones: What? Did you hear that?
Guest (Male): Rue the day!
Matthew Parker: Em, what's going on here?
Emily Jones: I have no idea.
Barrett Jones: Okay, Jay, we know it's you. Quit playing games and come out now!
Guest (Male): Rue the day! Rue the day!
Miss Adelaide: Jay, if that's you, I'm going to have a word with your parents. Jay? Jay!
Priscilla Peterson: If that's Jay, he's really good. And if it's not Jay, I'm never setting foot in this theater again.
Emily Jones: There's one way to find out. Where's my cell phone? Oh, here.
Matthew Parker: What are you doing?
Emily Jones: I'm calling Jay.
Matthew Parker: Why? He won't be home. He's around here somewhere. He has to be.
Emily Jones: Exactly. Hello?
Jay: Yo.
Emily Jones: May I speak with Jay, please?
Jay: Why? Who is this?
Emily Jones: Oh, hi, Jay. Just wanted to check to make sure that you're at home. Talk to you later.
Jay: Hey, I'm going to...
Emily Jones: It wasn't Jay. He's at home.
Barrett Jones: Not Jay. That's it. I'm out of here!
Emily Jones: Needless to say, getting Barrett back on that stage the next day was going to take some work.
Barrett Jones: No way. I'm done. My theatrical career is over.
Emily Jones: All right, just calm down, Barrett. Have you forgotten how wonderful you are up there?
Barrett Jones: I don't care. It's hard to play the trombone when you're screaming with fear. And the cool factor goes completely out the window.
Emily Jones: Look, Barrett, somebody's playing a prank. That's all. You're not going to let somebody's prank scare you out of a role that you were born to play, are you?
Barrett Jones: Sure.
Emily Jones: You'd give it all up for a prank.
Priscilla Peterson: It's no prank, Emily.
Emily Jones: What, Priscilla?
Priscilla Peterson: Have you guys ever heard of the Phantom of the Taft-Hartley?
Emily Jones: The what? Oh, brother.
Priscilla Peterson: Here's what I heard. 50 years ago, the Taft-Hartley Theater was built. And then right after that, Roosevelt Hartley died under mysterious circumstances.
Emily Jones: Yeah, what kind of mysterious circumstances?
Priscilla Peterson: Nobody knows. That's why they're mysterious. Anyway, ever since then, he has haunted the theater.
Barrett Jones: Haunted?
Emily Jones: That's ridiculous.
Matthew Parker: I've heard the same thing, Emily.
Emily Jones: Yeah, well, hearing it doesn't make it true, Matthew.
Priscilla Peterson: True or not, the entire cast has decided that they won't rehearse anymore until that phantom, or whatever it is, has been found.
Emily Jones: You are kidding me. The whole cast is afraid?
Priscilla Peterson: Uh-huh. Somebody is supposed to tell Miss Adelaide this afternoon.
Emily Jones: Barrett, listen to me. This is all just a lot of nonsense. There are no phantoms. Got it? I can't believe you're thinking of going back into that theater to tell Miss Adelaide that you're chickening out of the production.
Barrett Jones: You're right, Em.
Emily Jones: Good.
Barrett Jones: There's no way I'm going back in that theater to meet her. You'll have to talk to her for me since you're the only one who isn't afraid.
Emily Jones: What?
Barrett Jones: Oh, and pick up my trombone, will you? I left it there because of the stampede out of the building.
Emily Jones: There's no point in recounting the argument that followed. Good sense didn't prevail. So I had to go back to the Taft-Hartley Theater that afternoon to tell Miss Adelaide about the cast's decision. And I had to drag Matthew along.
Matthew Parker: I don't want to go. I heard that Hartley lost his head and rides a horse.
Emily Jones: That's Ichabod Crane. Stop being such a coward. There's no headless phantom of the theater. Now, let's go inside and talk to Miss Adelaide. Maybe she can figure out how to save this production.
Miss Adelaide: I think we'll cancel practice today.
Emily Jones: Miss Adelaide, what's wrong?
Miss Adelaide: Wrong? Oh, nothing. That is, well, I was in there alone waiting for everyone, and well—
Emily Jones: You heard that voice again, didn't you?
Miss Adelaide: Voice? What voice?
Emily Jones: Don't tell me you're afraid of it.
Miss Adelaide: No, no, no, of course not. But I have to think of the children. We can't rehearse if they're afraid.
Matthew Parker: That's okay since none of the cast will work on it anyway.
Miss Adelaide: Oh! Then that works out perfectly. I'll be in touch. Bye-bye now.
Matthew Parker: Mission accomplished. I'm going home.
Emily Jones: No you aren't. We're going inside.
Matthew Parker: To get Barrett's trombone?
Emily Jones: That and to solve this mystery.
Matthew Parker: I was afraid you were going to say that. Well, here's Barrett's trombone. Let's go.
Emily Jones: Not so fast.
Matthew Parker: But I don't like empty theaters. They're always so dark and empty.
Emily Jones: Be brave. Now, let's make our way backstage.
Matthew Parker: But I can hardly see anything. It's even darker back there.
Emily Jones: Well, there's a light switch on the back wall.
Matthew Parker: I don't like this. Where's the light switch?
Emily Jones: Just over there, I think.
Matthew Parker: You think?
Emily Jones: Since when am I an expert on theatrical lighting?
Matthew Parker: What was that?
Emily Jones: It's an old theater. The floorboards make noise.
Matthew Parker: Hey, what was that? Did you feel it? The air moved.
Emily Jones: The air conditioning just came on, that's all.
Matthew Parker: The same air conditioning that shouts "rue the day"?
Emily Jones: Stop. Let's wait and see.
Matthew Parker: Yikes, it did it again! We're being attacked by the phantom!
Emily Jones: Calm down, Matthew. Be still.
Matthew Parker: I'm getting out of here!
Emily Jones: Matthew, don't! Matthew? Where are you?
Matthew Parker: Down here.
Emily Jones: Down where?
Matthew Parker: Somebody put a hole in the middle of the stage.
Emily Jones: Oh, wait. It's a trap door to the storage room. Are you all right?
Matthew Parker: Yeah.
Emily Jones: Hang on, I'm coming down.
Matthew Parker: I suggest you use the stairs.
Emily Jones: Okay. Wow. It's even darker down here.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, I can't tell you how happy I am about that.
Emily Jones: Can you stand up?
Matthew Parker: Yeah. Hey, did you hear that?
Emily Jones: Hear what? Look, there's a light.
Matthew Parker: Where?
Emily Jones: There, under that door. Isn't that a dressing room? We put some stage props in it yesterday.
Matthew Parker: Oh yeah. You know what? My ankle is fine. Let's get out of here.
Emily Jones: Cut it out. Let's hurry before whoever it is escapes. You first.
Matthew Parker: Come on.
Emily Jones: Okay, ready? I'll open the door. One, two, three. Aha! What? What?
Jay: Hey!
Emily Jones: Jay! So you are the phantom.
Jay: Out of my way!
Emily Jones: Get him, Matthew! Catch him, Em!
Matthew Parker: I can't catch him! Over there! Where'd he go?
Emily Jones: I don't know. Okay, I won't describe the chase through the theater, especially since we weren't able to catch Jay. Apparently, he knew about the other stairway and exit that we didn't know about. Okay, so that was weird. Did you see what he was wearing?
Matthew Parker: Yeah, a big black cape.
Emily Jones: That definitely proves that Jay's the phantom.
Matthew Parker: I don't know.
Emily Jones: What? Didn't you see him? Come on. Why else would he be here? "Rue the day," remember? He has to be the phantom.
Matthew Parker: Then how did he fly past us? He couldn't be upstairs flying around and downstairs playing dress-up all at the same time.
Emily Jones: The same way he spooked everyone yesterday while he was still at home.
Matthew Parker: Then how did he do that?
Emily Jones: I don't know. But we have to tell Miss Adelaide.
Matthew Parker: Not yet. Something's bothering me about this. I need a few more questions answered.
Emily Jones: Like what?
Matthew Parker: Like why did Jay run all the way down to that stairway when the trapdoor stairs were closer and easier to use?
Emily Jones: Beats me. Hmm. That gives me an idea. An idea that may solve this mystery. Matthew, tell everyone to meet me here tomorrow afternoon.
Matthew Parker: Nobody's coming back here until the phantom is caught.
Emily Jones: Which is exactly what I plan to do. Tell them to be here if they want to see the phantom for themselves.
Miss Adelaide: All right, all right, kids. All right, Matthew, we're all here, and I'm sure we're very excited about meeting this mysterious phantom. Where's Emily? And why does this place smell like popcorn? Matthew?
Matthew Parker: I don't know where she is. I thought—
Emily Jones: I'm right here. Oh, calm down.
Matthew Parker: Do you have it? Did you catch the phantom?
Emily Jones: I'll get to that in a minute. But first, I'd like to say something. Hello, everybody. How are you feeling? Pretty scared? I guess so, since nothing causes people to be scared more than irrational fear. That's right, I said irrational. Because that's what you've all been. Imagine being willing to give up on your art and your talent and your courage all because of fear. Well, guess what? There's someone who didn't do that, and I'd like to introduce him to you. Jay, step out, please.
Barrett Jones: There he is! I knew it was him.
Emily Jones: Calm down. Jay isn't the phantom. Are you, Jay?
Jay: No, I am not the phantom.
Barrett Jones: Of course you are! You've been out to jinx my performance since the day Miss Adelaide turned you down for the part. "Rue the day," remember?
Priscilla Peterson: That's right! And why do we find you here yesterday wearing that cape? Yeah! That cape!
Miss Adelaide: Quiet, everybody. Go on, Emily.
Emily Jones: Jay's behavior isn't what you think. Yes, he planned his revenge for not getting the part, but his plan was to get an early start practicing for the next production, which Miss Adelaide posted on the bulletin board. What was the play, Jay?
Jay: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Heidelberg.
Emily Jones: Which is why he was wearing that cape. He was rehearsing.
Jay: Yeah, thought I should start now because it's two parts, which gives me double the exposure that Barrett is getting now.
Emily Jones: Yeah, okay. And the phrase "rue the day"?
Jay: Got it from the play.
Emily Jones: There you have it. Jay is not the phantom.
Barrett Jones: Then who is? You still haven't explained the voice.
Priscilla Peterson: And what about the swoosh? How do you explain the swoosh?
Emily Jones: I didn't know about a swoosh.
Matthew Parker: We got swooshed yesterday. Very cool and very creepy.
Emily Jones: And that's why I asked Mr. Charlie Stoltfus, the theater guy, to join us today as well. Mr. Stoltfus?
Charlie Stoltfus: Stoltfus.
Emily Jones: Yeah, okay. Can you take it from here?
Charlie Stoltfus: I'm sorry that all of you have been dragged into the orbit of my celestial universe of bad luck. During the summer's production of The Pirates of Penzance, I bought a parrot from the Pet Vista shop over by the Odyssey Mall.
Matthew Parker: That's a nice place. They have hamsters.
Charlie Stoltfus: Yeah. As some of you know, the whole play was a disaster. And the worst of it was when the parrot flew away during our last show. The back exits were open, so I assumed that she flew outside. But now I know she didn't. She's been here the whole time, living in the rafters of this very theater.
Emily Jones: And to prove it, I'm going to bring out some parrot popcorn.
Matthew Parker: Parrot popcorn?
Emily Jones: It's popcorn with some olive oil and nutritional yeast. No salt, garlic powder, and a no-salt herb mix sprinkled over the top. Parrots love it. Polly wants some popcorn?
Charlie Stoltfus: Actually, her name is Winifred.
Emily Jones: Oh. Winifred wants some popcorn?
Guest (Male): Rue the day! Rue the day!
Emily Jones: Cool! Whoa! Okay, there you are. Who's a pretty bird? Who's a pretty bird, huh?
Guest (Male): Rue the day! Rue! Rue the day! Rue!
Matthew Parker: Hey, that doesn't sound like the voice we heard.
Emily Jones: It does if you turn on the wireless mic and effect it through a hidden sound system.
Guest (Male): Rue the day! Rue the day!
Miss Adelaide: Isn't that lovely? Wow. How does a parrot know how to set up a sound system?
Emily Jones: A parrot doesn't, Matthew, but a human does.
Miss Adelaide: What human, Emily?
Emily Jones: Mr. Stoltfus. Him.
Charlie Stoltfus: What? What are you saying?
Emily Jones: I'm saying that none of these were coincidences. In fact, you've been the mastermind of everything that's happened.
Miss Adelaide: What? Explain yourself, Emily.
Emily Jones: That's easy. Jay, who suggested that the best revenge was to get a head start on the next play?
Jay: Mr. Stoltfus.
Emily Jones: And who gave you access to the dressing room to wear the costumes and practice the lines?
Jay: Mr. Stoltfus.
Emily Jones: And who was here often enough to teach the parrot to say your signature phrase, "rue the day"? Something he couldn't have learned just by hearing you say it once.
Jay: I know this one. Mr. Stoltfus.
Emily Jones: Exactly.
Miss Adelaide: But why would he want to sabotage our production? Do you want to explain, Mr. Stoltfus, or shall I?
Charlie Stoltfus: Oh, I guess I'll have to do it.
Emily Jones: And maybe you should do it without playing that character you've been playing all this time.
Charlie Stoltfus: Yes. Well, maybe you're right. You see, the truth is, I came to Odyssey as an experiment. For the past year, I've been filming myself and everything I've been done as a piece of—well, I like to think of it as experimental theater. The horrible play we did in the summer, spooking you all as the phantom, it was all part of my plan to impress Broadway producers with my prowess as an actor and my powers to convince rational people to do absurdly irrational things. I mean, why else would people allow me to do a terrible play like The Pirates of Penzance? It's ridiculous, just as it was ridiculous for sensible adults and young people to actually believe that a phantom existed in this theater. But now I have everything I need for my triumphant return and—I thank you all.
Miss Adelaide: It was all like a bad reality show.
Charlie Stoltfus: Well, more or less. And with that, I am off to Broadway and a successful career on stage where I belong, just as soon as I get you all to sign the release forms. You don't mind, do you?
Emily Jones: Of course we do! You can't use us as dupes and puppets just to further your career.
Matthew Parker: Will we be on television?
Charlie Stoltfus: Most certainly. Where do I sign?
Emily Jones: The show must go on is a great motto. At least in this case it is, because the show did go on and it was a huge hit. Barrett really wowed everyone with his trombone. Priscilla looked genuinely swept off her feet, and Miss Adelaide couldn't have been happier. And I might add, the sets looked fantastic, thanks to a couple of can-do stage managers that could multitask.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, can-do is an apt description. Hey, Em, have you noticed the pattern with our mysteries?
Emily Jones: You mean that I usually solve them with my uncanny ability and prowess as a detective?
Matthew Parker: Actually, I was thinking about how they're animal-related.
Emily Jones: Oh. Well, maybe next time we'll get out of that rut. Or not. I guess we'll find out together, huh?
Matthew Parker: You bet. Come on.
Focus on the Family: You know, buried in all the silliness of today's episode was an important lesson. When we let fear get the better of us, we often do ridiculous things. That's why when we're afraid, we have to remember that God is with us, and if we put our trust in Him, then there's nothing to be afraid of. You can find out more about today's adventure, Stage Fright, at our website at whitsend.org. Or you can write to us at Adventures in Odyssey, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 80995. In Canada, write to Box 9800, Vancouver, BC, V6B 4G3. Adventures in Odyssey is a presentation of Focus on the Family. Stage Fright was written by Kirby Atkins with sound design by Nathan Jones. Music by John Campbell. Our cast included Christina Pucelli, Zach Callison, Andy Pessoa, and Barbara Niles. And I'm Chris, hoping you'll join us again next time for more Adventures in Odyssey.