Mix It Up

Audio By Carbonatix

Getting your kids to respond to you is not always easy. When they are toddlers, they may not be able to form sentences or speak clearly yet. When they’re in elementary school, it’s difficult to get more than a yes or no out of them. Once they enter middle school and high school, why even try, right? There is, however, a strategy you can try to employ to get your kids to talk by asking creative questions.

Avoid the typical, “How was your day?” question. That will probably prompt a brief response. Try asking more open-ended questions. When your children are in elementary school, ask about who they sat with at lunch or what activities they did at recess. Another way to start a conversation is to ask them if they didn’t like something. Or ask about their favorite activity that day. This probably only works through elementary school. For middle school and high school, you have to come up with more imaginative ways of getting them to talk.

If they’re involved in a sport or another extra-curricular activity like drama or music, try to engage them by talking about their passion for those things instead of drilling them about academics. Try to get them comfortable by talking about something they consider to be more fun than schoolwork. When it comes to their social life, they’re likely going to be tight-lipped on the subject of their crushes or even friends, but each child is different. You may be blessed with a chatterbox that tells you everything and possibly more than you want to know. For the majority of parents, it will take a lot of patience and strategy to get teenagers to talk. Don’t stop trying!

It’s important to figure out what works with your child and to continue to encourage them to communicate with you. You don’t have to have long, drawn-out conversations, but try to have brief five- or ten-minute conversations when the opportunities present themselves. Those times when you are driving them to or from one of their many activities can be ideal for a quick update. Invite them out for burgers or ice cream. Sometimes, getting them away from their normal environment or routine can spark spontaneous talks.

Then, just when you’ve got your teenagers talking, it will be time to work on communicating with your spouse. That’s right, there will be times when both you and your spouse may need to get out of your routine questions. You still love each other and you’re happy together, but you find that you make the same inquiries every day. You call or text your wife around 2 every afternoon and say, “Hi, how are you?” Your wife responds, “Fine, how are you?” You reply with “Fine” and then maybe you cover the logistics of dinner or the kids’ schedules and then you both move on.

Those might not be your exact words, but you get the idea. It’s predictable! Get out of that mode and get creative in finding different ways to talk with your wife. Start your conversation with a new phrase or in a new way. Trying a new hobby such as taking a cooking class together might also spark new conversations. The important thing is to figure out where you might be stagnant and then get in there and mix it up.