Grandparenting

Nineteen years ago, our daughter died. This left a five-year-old girl and a seven-month-old boy motherless. Papa and I became instant parents and grandparents.We flew home from the funeral with these two precious grandchildren and they lived with us for the next seven months while their father finished schooling at his new duty post. Two households were pitched off the cliff of loss into the valley of grief and despair.But in this generation of crime and chaos, many grandparents find themselves thrust into this figure eight life cycle—parent to grandparent, to parent again. But isn’t that what families do? We circle the wagons and do what it takes to help our children and grandchildren fulfill God’s plan for their lives.“Know therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His lovingkindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments…”(Deuteronomy 7:9 NAS)Photo Credit:©Getty Images/Yakobchuk Olena

Anna sat in the front pew and pressed her wrinkled tissue to her eyes. “I can’t help it, he’s still my baby.”Her handsome son wearing a black tuxedo and a nervous smile waited for his bride. But he had no clue his Mom had no plans to let go.She was too much--of a loving mother. Is there such a thing? Love cannot be too much, but the wrong expression of it can be destructive.It all started on the simple decision of who would take the remaining wedding cake home. The newlyweds would be heading on a cruise after their wedding night. And the task to take care of the left-over cake was up to the family.Anna thought she should take it, after all she lived closer to the newlyweds.But the bride’s mother disagreed. She thought she should take it and freeze it for the couple. After all, she paid for it.Each mother dressed in long gowns adorned with a corsage stepped into the boxing ring. A silly argument, flamed with subtle accusations burst. And that tiff became the first gift the couple received.Parenting young children is hard, but at least for the most part, they’re stuck with you and you have a chance to try again. But adult children can choose not to visit, speak to you, or come for the holidays—at least not nearly as often as you’d like them to.Sadly, parents and adult children encounter insignificant events that unchecked, explode in animosity and resentment that come in between them. As hard as they might try, they get a “D” in the relationship report card.But there’s hope. Here are four lessons that will result in an “A” in the parent/adult children relationship arena: Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Drazen Zigic

There are many heroes of the faith in the Bible. As we read their stories, we typically see them as patriarchs and kings, military leaders and soldiers, strategists and spies, or parents and children. Rarely, if ever, do we think of them as grandparents.However, it’s true that most of the well-known people of the Bible were grandparents. Many played a key role in history and each has something to teach grandparents today.Consider the following 7 biblical grandparents and what we can learn from them.

Right now, you may be simply slogging through the muck of your grief. And that's okay. Processing grief is not a race. But remember, God joins you there in the mire. He grips your hand to direct you to new and solid paths as you learn to grandparent without the love of your life. Will you allow God to instill His good and pleasing purpose into your loss to bring glory to Himself?

You know you need to stop giving your children money and volunteering free babysitting, but how can you stand to watch them—or your grandkids—suffer?

Spontaneity isn't always necessary. But it adds a little frivolity and a lot of fun to your grandparenting time. And when it is unexpected, even better. So next time you are with your grandchildren, think of a great surprise for them. They will love it, and it will add laughter to your day.

If you are a mom or grandmom, you are deserving of blessing and honor for who you are and for all you do. No matter what your age, single or married, here is a prayer of blessing for you for every good work, every good word, and for every act of love you have ever offered on behalf of the ones you love.

While nurturing grandchildren, be on the lookout for Christlikeness they demonstrate. When you witness it, be sure to speak or write words of affirmation. It's a worthy investment.

Your grandchildren will cherish time with you. Your children will cherish your investment in their children. But it does require communication, cooperation, respect, and healthy boundaries.

I believe it's God's design for families to support each other and be available. When we become grandparents at a young age, we have even more opportunities to help our children raise their children and fulfill God's plan. What a blessing to have the energy and resources to be able to help our kids as they parent our grandchildren!

We all need to feel special. But what great joy you have when you become a grandparent and you have the privilege of making the next generation of your family feel the love and encouragement of their grandparents.There are many ways to make your grandchildren feel special. Many of them involve spending time with your grandchildren one-on-one. Here are a few suggestions for getting started.Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

Besides a chocolate bunny and other sweets, fill your child's basket with unique and meaningful gifts, like seeds to plant or a bible story puzzle. The Easter basket is one more opportunity to sow the love and wonder of God in your child's heart.

As King David once penned, "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer." This is a wonderful prayer for grandparents as they seek to leave a legacy of faith.

We’re all familiar with Ephesians 6: 1-3, “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise) that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”When we’re living under our parents' roof, it is right to obey them, but as an adult, out from under the direct authority of our parents, we can struggle to understand what it means to honor them.Honoring our parents can be challenging for many reasons. Perhaps you are a faithful follower of Christ, but your parents are not. Perhaps one or both of your parents struggle with an illness that affects their mind or alters their personality.If one or both of your parents were abusive or neglectful, the thought of honoring them can seem both illogical and undeserved. And let's face it, even if we had loving, godly parents we can still struggle to understand what it means to honor them as life gets in the way.So, what does it mean to honor our parents? In my own wrestling match with this question, someone reminded me that obeying our parents when we were children had to do with action, but honoring our parents as adults has to do with our attitude.Regardless of the relationship you have with your parents, honoring them starts in your heart. I pray the following ideas will help you foster a more loving relationship with your parents and that they will recognize your outpouring of love as honor.

As always, it is extremely important that we respect the wishes of our adult children. If, however, we are not restricted in speech or action, consider these ideas for celebrating Easter with grandkids whose parents don’t go to church.

Several years ago, I found a precious letter in my family’s archives. My great-grandfather in Poland wrote to my grandfather, who had immigrated to America. One line in the letter struck me with both comfort and conviction: “I faithfully pray for you, for your children, and for your future generations.”I am one of those grandchildren. Before I was born, my great-grandfather prayed for me from halfway around the world. That comforts me.I was also convicted by my great-grandfather’s letter. How do my prayers shape my twelve grandchildren’s lives? How can I learn to pray effectively for them?Photo credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

“Put it back. It doesn’t work!”I had just put my favorite moisturizer into my buggy with my five-year-old granddaughter. She was just learning to read.“What?”Carson pointed to the card. “See. It says ‘Gets rid of wrinkles in just two weeks.’ You don’t need to buy this. It doesn’t work.”My granddaughter didn’t even crack a smile as she assessed my impending purchase. Why? Because it wasn’t funny to her. It was matter-of-fact. I had been using this wrinkle cream for a long time, much more than two weeks, and Carson was right. My wrinkles were still there.But the greatest thing about that conversation was that none of my wrinkles mattered to my granddaughter.Grandchildren love their grandparents no matter what. They are aware that grandparents move a little slower, can’t jump very high (if they can jump at all!), don’t see much without their glasses or hear much without their hearing aids, and more.But the unconditional love between a grandparent and grandchild is a bond that will only grow stronger as their relationship grows. The grandchild-grandparent relationship is special and unlike any other.Grandparents can be a tremendous source of support for the parents. But in order for them to not overstep their roles, they must know where the boundaries are. Both parents and grandparents want only the best for the same children.So how can they work together to make sure they are working to accomplish the same goals?Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

Grandparents may not understand the effect social media has on their grandchildren, for example, but they can help them develop a healthy self-concept so they don't use social media in a negative way.

Yet some of the longings of my heart for my older kids are clearly reflected in the heart of God as evidenced by Scripture. These, I can give full weight to and ask God to fulfill, knowing I am asking Abba to grant something that was His idea in the first place.

No matter where you live, you will get tremendous enjoyment from playing with your grandchild and showing them off to the world. There is never a prouder moment than when your daughter calls again with the words, "She's here!"